Law Is Boring
by burntheheart
Summary: Jim's rambly, overly-bored thoughts as he stands in court. !mildspoiler!cussing!arseyjim


**Law is Boring**

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><p>Uh-oh, the blonde lady was not happy with him.<p>

Okay. _Okay. _Jim had been _slightly _naughty with the tongue thing. But some people, just couldn't take a joke.

_slimy bastard_

her eyes say.

Jim didn't quite _think _of it like that. He wasn't _slimy_, per se. He liked to think of himself as shiny. Like jewels. Or foil.

Something like that. Now _bastard_, well that was certainly something. He had been born out of wedlock. He was a _little _bit of an arsehole. So, perhaps that was right. Oh, but that woman was irretrievably – not his type. No. He was for the dark, _elusive _goddess. Jim wasn't really into blondes at all. Far too picky, he was.

"Oi, keep your head forwards."

says the fat bloke behind him. Police officer. Single. _Divorced. _Doesn't wash his hands too often. Hum hum hum de dum. Jim was surrounded by idiots. He didn't really like it much. If he wanted to be surrounded by idiots, he would have just stood in the middle of Glasgow. Oh ha. He never liked the Scottish.

Too much skirt to chase. "I said _keep _your head forwards."

He likes to shout. The fat man. Jim supposed that that must be the reason why his kids chose their mother over him. Or, perhaps he'd eaten them.

That would have been interesting.

_Ugh_, this was his last piece of gum. He had a feeling that the police officers were trying to pickpocket the stuff out of him. They were pretty expensive pieces – Lithuanian, actually. It was _proper _gum.

Pure, nourished mint.

With a hint of blood. Okay, the last part was a big lie. Hum de dum dum. _Oh, look it's Sherlock isn't he handsome? _Cheap dressing though. He'd look good in Ralph Lauren, Jim decided. He'd look good in anything. Well. He'd look good dead most wonderfully of all –

Hum de dum dum. The trial was _beginning_. Oh hurrah. Jim's eyes travelled around the court, locking eyes with the jury then slowly rotating to one of the figures in the stands.

Ew, Sebby was there. Could be not _be _any more clingy? He needed to signal to him that he needed MORE GUM – He gritted his teeth –

G

_bit his lip_

U

_pressed them together_

M

The man in false glasses nodded, expressing an eyeroll. Jim smirked. Good boy. Sebby was getting far too good. Always a good boy, his Sebastian. He supposed the man would order the gum _before _he got out.

He couldn't think without chewing. It was wrong.

Oh, the trial was starting again? "Head." Fat man barked.

Honestly, this whole thing was _boring. _And he missed his phone. He hoped they'd taken good care of it. He named it Edgar after his favourite poet.

_Hum hum hum_

The gum was beginning to lose its taste. That was the worst thing about gum. It _always _lost its taste. No matter how nice, how expensive, how _good _it tasted to begin with – he always had to get rid of it.

Shame. "I need to spit my gum out," Jim whined at the blob restlessly.

He was pretending to ignore him. Insecure. A little intimidated. 75% sickened by Jim. He had coffee this morning. No breakfast. Perhaps _that _was why he was soooooo grumpy. He wasn't deaf. Liver problems. _Humhumhum. Bored. _

Everyone looked so scared of him. It was _turning him on so baaaaaaad_

"Be quiet, Mr Moriarty."

Oh hello, delilah– another police officer. Meh. It was a bloke.

_Va te faire foutre, trouduc_

Boring. He never thought law was _thiiiis _boring. Honestly, it was just a drag. Jim now knew why it was that they all looked so ugly. This has made them ugly. All of them. They were all as bored as him. How could _anyone _perform this as a living? Really. He would just _suffocate _from boredom. Oh, _Seamus. _He wanted to blow them all up. Have some danger!

Inject some _life _into this funeral.

But that wouldn't look good in the papers. And he _loved _the papers.

Plus, Sherlock was here and he was just _perfect _the way he was.

Chew. Chew. Chew. Little, Sherlock Holmes. Doesn't know how to play. Not long now, Jim's mind chanted. _Not long now. _

Till the fairytale begins.

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><p><strong>AN: My mind is proper ********** from 02x03. Honestly.**

**Thanks for reading. Sorry for the concealed swearing. Just pretend I had a typing accident. Oh and I do not mean to cause offence to the Scottish. We are neighbours. And I love you. It's Jim, honestly. I've decided NO ANGSTY REICHENBACH ONESHOTS. I will release, random, overly-flagrant oneshots from now on. -tocheermyselfup- oh and the french means 'fuck off arsehole.' because jim is like that.**


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